Thursday, May 18, 2017

Milestones, Time, Ethan, Elgar, Run Rabbit Run

I have had a lot on my mind recently. I have not had as much time to write as I would like to. Lots going on. My youngest son, Ethan, graduated from high school this week...Tuesday night. The ceremony was held at the Community of Christ Auditorium in Independence, MO. It's a beautiful place that I know well. Everyone was here. My mom, her sister, my wife's parents, and my oldest son Jack. We took lots of pictures. We celebrated. 526 students walked across the stage to receive their diplomas. The huge Aeolian-Skinner pipe organ, one of the 75 largest organs in the world....6334 pipes in total...brought the evening to life with Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance.
Earlier in the day, I almost crashed my car. I had to pick up Ethan's dress pants from the cleaners. It was hot and sunny. The sun felt good as I walked in and out of the dry-cleaners. I turned on Sirius XM for the trip home. A piece of music I had not heard began to play. I was instantly in its grip...and I soon found myself sobbing uncontrollably as I drove down 3rd street. It all came out....
Eighteen years ago, I was on the stage at the same Community of Christ Auditorium. Ethan was only a few days old then. He was in the NICU of Children's Mercy Hospital having been born with severe kidney issues...only one kidney worked and not even at full strength. We would go there to hold pray for him...hoping he could come home soon. I had a concert with the Independence Symphony that week. We were playing Mascagni's Cavalleria Rusticana. I debated playing at all, but I wanted to honor my commitment to my fellow musicians. Maybe it would be good for me. Such a beautiful piece too.
One of those moments I will never forget...playing the intermezzo...thinking about my newborn son...feeling my own helplessness. I was so scared. The organ playing in this great auditorium in accompaniment to the orchestra lifted me up. I could feel its power pulsating in, around and through me.
And 18 years later, that same organ came to life and greeted my son walking down the isle in his cap and gown. A profound moment. I was suddenly in the past and the future at that same moment. It was overwhelming. And The Year of Our Lord by Sufjan Stevens, the piece that slayed me earlier in the day, touched that same nerve somehow. This beautiful composition awakened me to the feelings that accompany seeing your child become a young man right before your very eyes. The past...the hopes and fears from the past. My joy.
I pulled off the road until I could get my shit together and dry my eyes. Today is Thursday and I still can't get through this piece without balling.
Music is powerful. It can come out of nowhere and lay you down.

No comments:

Post a Comment